WOJAK OF THE DAY
wojak fighting against pepe the frog gif

I WILL NEVER GIVE UP

Nobody told me that love could hurt this much. In my previous post I talked about it. I am deeply in love with her. No words can explain. I forgot about all her past even though it gave me so much pain. I was even feeling guilty of things I cannot change or control. I blamed myself for not being in her life way earlier. I could suffer an eternity in hell if I could just start my life again being the one and only man who's been in her life. Oh my sweet princess, I would not leave you even if you were the most indecent, most horrible person in your previous life. If you end up reading all these in the future, I am so sorry for thinking the way I did.

I was going through a lot lately. I was dealing with all these nasty thoughts and doubts in my mind and like it was not enough, she told me that she got Covid. It only gave me more agony. I wish I could suffer all her pain on her behalf for the rest of my life. At no point in my life I felt this desperate. Day after day I was crying myself to sleep. Being a failure now hurts 10 times more. She is now better but I cannot stop thinking what would I do if something happens to her. At certain point I lost all hope. I have found myself in the bottomless pit of despair. I thought, what if I can never make it? And then suicidal thoughts started chewing up on my flesh once again. Then I found myself looking at her pictures. I could not do this to her. I could never leave her alone.

Every single day she kills me and brings me back to life. She put me through biggest joy and biggest pain I have ever had. If she is happy I am happy. If she is sad, I am sad. If she is in pain, I am in even bigger pain. She is my life, my passion and my religion. I care about her more than I care about myself. I will not give up on life, no matter how much pain it brings. I will work myself to death if that means I am gonna give my dying breath on her arms. I don't care how long it takes, we will meet.

I am now devoting every single breath I take to her. She is the whole purpose of my life. It is very well possible we will never meet but I won't give my dying breath in the guilt of not trying hard enough.

DAILY UPDATE - 26 NOVEMBER 2023

I lost all my apetite, I wasn't sleeping well and I was in agonizing pain for a while. I also got erectile dysfunction but that's one of my least concerns. In only 10 days I lost 30 pounds of weight. I was in a miserable state of mind. Now, once again trying to quit smoking and caffeine because it only makes my anxiety even worse. Trying to get a full night's sleep, waking up early in the morning, walking outside, trying to hold on to whatever I can. I am now more hopeful than I was few weeks ago. I don't even care about the outcome, I will try my best. The internet has enough sad, depressed and miserable people. I want to be a success story. Fuck depression, fuck anxiety and fuck all forms of negativity. I cannot afford to be sad, depressed and anxious.