wojak godfather


This one is hard for me. Didn't talk much about my father. I have a love-hate relationship with my dad. It is mostly hate but with certain level of understanding. He was absent in majority of my life because he is a soldier. Never had any serious conversation with my dad. Never shared a thought or emotion.

My dad was an abusive asshole up until I hit the puberty. He was beating me on a regular basis. Sometimes for no reason. My mother was a total bitch as well. She once had beaten me so hard I got bruises all over my face and couldn't go to school for a few days. That was all because I refused to sleep one night. Mom and dad were fighting every single week. I had to stay in my room and listen to them tearing down the entire fucking house. My family is the only reason I am determined not to get married.

I can talk about how much domestic violence I had to endure throughout my childhood and early teenage years but have no time for that. It would take pages and pages. All that crap has ended after I grew up. They couldn't hurt me physically anymore because I had a tendency of fighting back. I got some serious anger issues because of all this.

I grew up without a father figure. My father wasn't someone I aspired to be. People talk about how dangerous absence of a father figure can be. Your mind wonders way too freely without a father figure. This is why men came up with the ultimate father figure, god. Growing up without a father figure either makes you or breaks you. It gives you a sense of helplessness. You are totally alone in the world and there isn't any guidance you can look up to. You don't know what kind of life you should live, what kind of behavior you must have. Nobody can hold you up and show you the true way of life. You hold onto whatever you can. You aspire to be someone who is not your dad. You start looking for another father figure. You can end up in the wrong hands very easily. This is why people with daddy issues are the most impulsive people on earth. They do what exactly their fathers don't want them to do. They do things in spite.

And there are some dangers of father figures. The fact that you are nothing but a shadow of your dad. You are nothing but a copycat. You cannot truly face with reality in presence of a father figure. You cannot come up with your own identity. You do what your father tells you and avoid being a man he doesn't want you to be. No parent truly want their kids to grow up. Especially control freaks. They don't want you to take risks and endanger your life. They don't want you to fly away. They want to keep you under control all the time. Father figure is the ultimate authority. In presence of a control freak, you cannot truly grow up. You end up being an extremely incapable human being.

And there are idols, role models. People you look up to. People you aspire to be. Actors, stars, intellectuals, influencers, people with big names. They are fathers of the society. We want to look like them, we want to talk like them, we want to do things their way. Just like a little kid imitating his daddy. We take their words as gospel. We are living under their shadows and following their footsteps. They are holding the leash of the entire society. Most often than not they are pushing the world towards a high cliff. This is why we must kill our fathers if we want to truly grow up. You should not have any role model. There is a time when you must man the fuck up and think with your own brain. There is a time when you must make your own choices and come up with your own identity. People sure will stand against you. They will even say that you are immature. I don't know what is so mature about licking asses and being a conformist little boy eating up every single word comes out of his daddy's mouth.

Living without a father figure can bring you down. But one thing is for sure, you will never grow up in the presence of fathers. A grownup is a person who does whatever the fuck he wants and faces up with the consequences all by himself, like a man. A grownup is a person with his own identity. Growing up is not turning into a grumpy ass old man with no joy. This is what immaturity is. Thinking that you grew up simply because you do "grownup things". This is what kids do when they first step into puberty. And some never leave puberty. Just like the ones living under the shadows of other men.


I lost my great grandpa a few days ago. He was almost 100 years old. His death saddened me, even though we were not that close. He died in peace. At least this is a little comforting. He was a perfectly healthy man prior to his death. He was a true hard worker. Every single day he woke up early in the morning and worked in his garden. I have never seen him angry, never seen him hurting anyone. He didn't talk much either. He was always minding his business. He lived long enough to see the children of his grandchildren.

He survived many things including a global pandemic and a motorcycle accident he had 5 years ago. Yeah, he was riding his bike not so long ago despite his old age. Great grandpa was from an era where weak children didn't make it. Many kids didn't even live long enough to hit the puberty back then. He has seen lots of famines and wars. He served in the army for more than 2 years. He survived them all but got defeated by the time itself. I guess the time is the biggest murderer. Time has no remorse, time has no pity. It comes fast and strikes hard. Time is undefeatable. Time is gonna eat us all.

Rest in peace great grandpa. You will be missed.