WOJAK OF THE DAY
3 stages of doomer

3 STAGES OF LONELINESS

I. Isolation

First you start spending some time alone, you enjoy it. You were so full of people's bullshit. It feels like a paradise. You enjoy the peace and quiet. You spend time doing whatever you enjoy all by yourself. You maybe see some of your friends time to time but not for long. Only one you need in your life is yourself. You don't have time for mindless social activities after all. You can spend all your time for yourself and your self improvement. You can, but in reality all you do is to play video games, jerk off and watch some shit for sake of entertainment. At this stage you are not even aware of the disease growing deep inside you.

II. Disconnection

You lose your friends one by one. Either because you don't spend enough time with them or they move to somewhere else and you just don't put any effort into making new friends. It slowly bothers you that you cannot share your thoughts and emotions with others. You are so disconnected from society, whatever people are talking about is totally strange to you. You didn't see that new movie everyone watched, you don't recognize the newest celebrities, you don't care about the new trends, you have never listened to newest songs, you don't even know what is going on in the world. It is like there is a whole another world out there and there is no room for you. It's like they put you in a drug induced coma and you just woke up and have no idea what's up with the world.

Loneliness starts to play its dirty tricks on you. You start talking to yourself and maybe your imaginary friends. You maybe get into writing a diary but not for so long. You slowly stop enjoying things you used to love. You don't have fun playing video games, watching movies or TV series. Your hobbies turns into chores because you realize you are not that good. Why even bother? You slowly give up on your dreams. Success doesn't mean anything to you. You just want to live your life happily and get the fuck out of this world in peace.

III. Downfall

You don't have any friends. You don't have anyone to talk to. You didn't leave your room for months maybe. You spent many years being alone and it is killing you inside. You didn't talk to anyone for so long when you open up your mouth you cannot even recognize your own voice. The world is so dark and strange to you. All you know about outer world is all you see on the internet. Your reality is shifting.

You don't even do anything with your life anymore. You wake up, eat, shit and go back to sleep. You spend most of your time laying on your bed. Nothing is fun anymore, you cannot even taste the food. You maybe got some really bad habits like smoking or drinking, maybe even got into hard drugs. You stopped giving a shit about how you look. Your health is not even your concern.

Your social skills has vanished. You don't even know how to talk to people. Not because you are afraid of talking to people. You just don't know how to say things appropriately. You need social interaction so desperately, you attempt to talk to random strangers and realize how socially awkward you are and feel even more miserable.

You have lost all your ties with reality. You are daydreaming all day. So much so that you even forget about your existence. Your dreams are so vivid you can feel, smell and see things that doesn't exist. You don't even know who you are anymore.

You have became so overly emotional even the smallest things can make you lose your shit. You get bothered by random comments on the internet. You are angered by stupidest things that is not even related to you and doesn't affect you in any way. You are so emotional, you can watch The Muppet Show and burst up in tears for no reason. You are crying yourself to sleep many nights.

Suicidal thoughts are messing up with your mind at this stage. You ended up being a misanthrope. You are outright disgusted by being a human being maybe. Everything has turned to shit. There is nothing left for you to enjoy in this world. Your mind is full of radical thoughts and maybe you are deep into existential crisis. Every time you open up your window all you think is if jumping out that window creates enough force to smash your skull into pieces

You are suffering from chronic loneliness but you have been there so long you don't have any social skills anymore to fix that. You have descended into an animal. You have passed the point of no return.

DAILY UPDATE - 27 SEPTEMBER 2022

Yet another late night and I cannot sleep. The time is literally fucking with me. I cannot understand how last few weeks has vanished into nothingness. I spent all that time doing literally nothing but staring at walls in my tiny little room. I attempted to get back on track but anytime I try to put something into my thick skull, despair sits in. I then give up and go back to my bed and spend rest of the day doing nothing.

I think about my childhood a lot. For some weird reason I have random memories from when I was 2 years old. I remember our old house. I remember it so well I could draw a detailed floor plan of it. We moved from there when I was 6. I remember plenty of things from my childhood but having a hard time remembering the last 5 years. How weird.

I fell asleep halfway through writing this. Now it is late in the afternoon. I saw some really weird dreams. For some weird reason I see dreams about being in the ocean in a large crusie ship time to time. It always ends up with a disaster. A large wave comes and snaps the ship into half or some shit like that.

In my dream I was in a large cruise ship. I was in the bridge deck. We were in the middle of a storm. I could see waves twice as big as the gigantic ship itself. But for some weird reason the air was so clear. Not a single cloud. Just a warm afternoon. But the ocean was not as kind, she was trying her best to kill us. Ship was rocking side to side with a massive force. I was trying my best to hold onto my life. Just when I thought the ship is gonna capsize we have came across a pipeline in the middle of an ocean. The entire ocean was split in half by a couple pipes. They looked almost like oil pipes. But they were not under the water. They were just out there, sitting a couple inches above the water and disappearing in the horizon on both ends. The storm ended right that moment. And our captain started navigating the ship towards those pipes. We got so close I thought we are gonna hit them. But suddenly the pipes started moving. They grew gigantic metal arms and started surrounding the ship. I woke up right at that moment.

What a fever dream it was. And the weirdest thing, I have seen so many nightmares like this, I was so calm during that storm. Everyone in the ship was losing their minds. I menaged to keep my calm for some reason. I know for sure I would lose my shit at that moment if that really happened because I am scared of deep oceans. There is something fucky with gigantic vessels as well. Every time I look at some massive cargo ship I get goosebumps.