wojak playing vidya late night


Breathing air, putting nutrients in your system, hydrating and dumping out organic waste. They call it living. Hah! Do you think you are living? Do you think that's what life is? Keeping your body functional until it isn't.

I have seen people including myself showing signs of life but not actually living. Life is a privilege. Only lucky few on earth experiencing what the life is. You have never seen wonders of earth. Never flew across the ocean and skydived into an island. Never experienced true love. Never flew an airplane. Never ate all those exotic foods you cannot even pronounce. Never sailed on a boat for days to see where wind blows you. Never visited places you always wanted to visit. Never seen the north lights with naked eyes. Never had guts to jump into water from a high cliff. Never spent a couple days in a forest all by yourself just for the heck of it. Never flew in a wingsuit. Never attempted to climb on top of a large mountain. Never pushed your body to the limits. Never tried to master the art of mounted archery. Never learned martial arts.

There are places on earth where sky never ends. Mountains so beautiful you cannot keep your eyes away. Air that is so oxygen rich and fresh it makes you realize it wasn't air you were breathing your entire life. Lakes that are so clear and reflective it almost looks like there are two skies in the horizon. Forests that are so beautiful and full of life it makes you think you can spend your entire life in there. Mountainous grasslands that are so green and beautiful you want to run across them until you run out of breath.

Nature offers some beauties beyond imagination. They all seem so close yet so far away. You don't get a chance to see a glimpse of how they look with your own eyes. You only see them in pictures. You are stuck in your tiny little apartment surrounded by other ugly concrete buildings. All you breathe is coal and exhaust fumes and all you hear is some noisy shitters and asshole neighbors shouting their asses off all the time. Occasionally some gunfire.

Life is all about experience but something was always holding you back to get that experience. Something wasn't letting you truly live. Maybe its you, maybe it is poverty, maybe it is the fact that you don't have enough balls to experience life or maybe you are just a wage slave. In any case, it is the privilege of life you are missing. You are too busy surviving, you don't get any chance to live. Big tragedy. Not the biggest because you are at least breathing. You can always be grateful for that. But it is killing you inside that there is an asshole out there living the life you always wish to live. Doing things you can only imagine to do. Going places you can only wish to go. Nailing chicks you can only dream of. Has your dream physique. Maybe you see that exact same asshole on instagram or youtube. And asking yourself "What the hell am I doing with my life?".


I have spent all day doing some chores. Cleaning my room, getting rid of some trash that was collecting dust in my drawers, got a new haircut. Also spent some time getting back on track. I am easing my way into massive amounts of ass pain. I will spend the entire month studying the art of computer wizardry. Didn't give up on my dreams of being a code monkey. It seems to be the only way of saving my ass after this point. Don't have much time, don't have much finance, don't have massive amounts of skills. I will settle for whatever entry level computer job exists. 5-6 months doesn't seem a lot of time but I hope it is enough to gain basic knowledge about web development. I think I will spend a solid week learning about internet stuff day and night. Oh god help me.