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The ultimate question. Why we are here? Many lives has been wasted trying to answer that question. Many religions built upon it. Many Buddhist monks spent their lives in celibacy to find a reason in universe. Maybe the answer was hiding inside what they were avoiding, pussy. Maybe world does revolve around pussy.

I think searching for a reason in universe is a privilege belongs to modern human. If you could ask a hunter-gatherer living 100.000 years ago what is the purpose of life, he would probably say that "What purpose motherfucker? You hunt, you eat, you shit, you fuck and then you die, that's about it". Primitive people figured it all out. They knew their places. That's really what's up. Sedentary lifestyle spoiled us into thinking that we are special and we must be here for a reason. Bitch, you came into existence just yesterday and you think that you serve a great purpose in this massive universe that is gonna outlive humans? This is prime example of arrogance.

I really have a soft spot for primitive religions. Specially Mesopotamian religions. Primitive religions usually aren't human centred. They usually preach we are equals to animals and we are a part of nature instead of being masters of nature. For some reason they feel very sincere. First time I read Epic of Gilgamesh I got goosebumps. The death of Enkidu almost made me cry. As a wretched heretic I think that every religion offers some lessons to learn. Mesopotamian religions are superior to their successors, Abrahamic religions. At least in certain ways. They observed the nature and conceptualized their gods based on how nature treats them. The father of all gods, Zeus equivalent of Sumerian gods Enlil hated mankind. He convinced other gods to genocide humans and he struck people with a massive flood. One of the gods named Enki had sympathy for humans and warned a guy named Utnapishtim. He made him prepare for the flood by building a giant ship and saving some animals along the way. Same old Abrahamic story except the original trilogy was better.

They really understood the duality of nature. Sometimes kind, sometimes horrifying. Sometimes generous, sometimes stingy. Nature sometimes offers food sometimes tries to murder us. Just like Sumerian gods. The earth is mother, the sky is father. Just like Enki and Enlil. One is god of earth, other is god of sky and thunder. Earth, pretty much like a mother, is fertile and generous. Sky, just like a father, fertilizes the earth to give us food also when he gets angry he doesn't feel shy to punish us with thunder and storm.

Sumerians were really interesting people. They did not only invent the civilization but also perfected it. Arguably they were far more civilized than many of today's nations. Also they figured out everything. What life is all about. How there is no way of escaping from death. King Gilgamesh in his journey seeks a cure for mortality after losing his best friend Enkidu. Questions why people die and how he can stop that. He travels all the way to the end of the world. Meets up with Utnapishtim to find the secret of immortality. He listens to him talk about the great flood and how gods gave him immortality just because they felt guilty. After Utnapishtim finishes his story he talks about the plant of immortality. Gilgamesh in the hopes of finding a cure for aging, goes after that plant. After picking up the plant he loses it to a snake while he was asleep. And realizes that immortality and eternal youth is beyond his reach.

On the way to his city Uruk, Gilgamesh comes to a realization. Everything that is living meant to die and rot. The meaning of life.


Another day of staying up all night and feeling like shit throughout the morning until I fall asleep in the afternoon. For weeks I cannot get a good sleep. Cannot stay awake either. My brain is working half capacity. I need to fix that shit as soon as possible. For last 7 or 8 years I was living between two phases. I suffer from insomnia for a couple months then after that I suffer from oversleeping a couple months. It is an endless cycle. I decided to take a couple days off from writing and focus on my future plan. I spent some time writing plenty of stuff. I will share them in the future. I need solid 5 days of hard work to get some shit done.