HOW TO WIN EVERY ARGUMENT

Do you want to be a legendary keyboard warrior who makes thousands of clueless internet users destroy their own keyboards out of anger and frustration? Do you want to win every single internet argument to prove that you have the biggest dick in the entire fucking world? Do you want every internet thot to fall in love with you because of your clever use of words? Alright then, I am gonna teach you the way of keyboard.

Win the crowd not the battle

First off, it doesn't matter what you say is true or not. It doesn't matter even if you agree with what you say. Only thing that matters is whether people agree with you or not. Even before you get into an argument you should consider if you are arguing in the right place. If you are trying to argue against atheists to bring them down on r/atheism, you are gonna get your ass handed to you. You are gonna get downvoted into oblivion. Doesn't even matter you have masters degree on televangelism. If you are arguing about women's rights or left leaning ideologies on an imageboard famous for being the prolapsing anus of internet, you are gonna get your ass handed to you as well. Doesn't matter you offer sensible arguments. Memes are more powerful than words on a platform like that. If I reply to you with a crappy ms paint drawing that's suppose to represent you, it is insta-kill. You need to choose your platform carefully. Getting upvotes or winning the crowd is the only way of winning an argument.

Be absolutely dishonest

Do not even think about changing your mind. If certain words came out of your mouth, you gotta stick with them. Because accepting that you were wrong is accepting that you like sucking dicks and getting fucked in the ass by your enemy. It doesn't matter you changed your mind because of sensible arguments of your enemy. You are gonna act like you never heard of those arguments. Even if it is just a minor detail in the whole conversation. Maybe you misremember certain things and get corrected. You won't accept that because that is a sign of weakness and your enemy is gonna use that against you. If you accidentally said world is flat you gotta stick with that. If you started the conversation as a christian and converted into Buddhism halfway through, you are gonna act like you are still a christian. Remember, you are not trying to understand, exchange information or learn about things you didn't know. Arguing is a dick measuring contest. It is all about asserting dominance and proving people that you are right even if you are wrong.

Be presentable

How you look makes a great difference in the eyes of a braindead crowd. People are gonna judge you by how you look before judging your arguments. You lose the battle right off the bat if you don't look a certain way. Look at christian evangelists. They always have a smile on their face, they dress well and convince you that they know what they are talking about just by their looks. Or look at muslim clerics. They call you "my brother" and always approach you with a friendly voice. Having a glorious beard also helps. Wearing a suit, having charisma and charm, having an acceptable haircut, looking straight into eyes of your enemy, knowing how to talk, maybe wearing glasses to look smart… These are all important. Don't even bother getting into an argument if you look like you just escaped from gulag.

Dirty tricks of arguing

There are certain tricks that can give you an easy victory if you know how to use them. Some of them are well known and been used for centuries. Learning these ancient techniques is crucial for winning arguments. If you master these tricks there is no way of losing. Even if you don't fully understand them, you can just accuse your enemy for cheating just by using a couple fancy philosophical mumbo-jumbo implying they have made a logical fallacy. Logical fallacies are your friend. It is not logical fallacy if you use it carefully, it is logical fatality. Remember, you are not trying to win against your enemy, you are trying to win the crowd. It doesn't matter you are right or wrong if most people are on your side. And what is better than using cheatcodes of debating to convince retarded people that you are smarter than you actually are.

#1 Strawman Arguments:

You heard this countless times before. What creating a strawman is, you need to create a false image for your enemy and fight against that false image just like fighting against a strawman you created with your own hands. Since people with smaller brains won't understand what you are actually doing, it is gonna create an illusion that you are destroying your enemy despite just misrepresenting your enemy's arguments.

"If you are saying that we should legalize weed then you must be ok with use of heroin."

"What you mean we should not allow trans women to compete in olympics? Do you mean that we must kill all trans women?"

"If you believe that earth is round that means you are working for FBI, CIA, NSA and all other letters in the alphabet."

#2 Demagogy:

Demagogy has a long history. It is the art of getting the favor of the crowd in order to gain political power. The trick is to create confusion. Demagogy can mean plenty of different things but I am gonna talk about certain tricks demagogues use to get into people's minds by creating a huge confusion. This technique requires good sets of storytelling skills. You need to create a story that is not related with the subject at all. It is almost like a magic trick. It works so well. I am gonna give you an example.

"You are asking why we must kill all the infidels, in your eyes they didn't do anything wrong. You see a dying animal, giving its last breath but also suffering in agony. Wouldn't you give that animal a mercy-kill? You see a bird struggling to get up but it is heavily wounded and has no chance to survive, wouldn't you kill that bird to end its misery? This is why we must kill all the infidels. To end their misery. A day without the light of god is no different than a day in the bottom of the hell."

#3 Argumentum Ad Hominem:

Another fancy sounding logical fallacy. Even only accusing your enemy for using Ad Hominem arguments gives a massive damage in the eyes of stupid people doesn't understand what the hell is going on. What Ad Hominem means is, attacking a person directly instead of their arguments. It is really simple. Very easy to pull off.

"It doesn't matter you have a videotape of me fucking that hooker in a hotel room. Everybody knows that you are a lying piece of shit."

"I don't care what you say, you are a racist scumbag."

"One word: FASCIST!"

#4 Pseudo-Science:

It doesn't matter you don't know shit about science. You can cherrypick scientific articles to prove your point "scientifically". If you dig hard enough you can even find scientific articles that "proves" earth is flat. And since "science is a form of religion that cannot be denied", there is no way of disproving you. This is one of the most effective tricks of arguing if you are willing to put some effort into finding studies that backs up your claims.

"Studies show that women have smaller brains. Your argument is invalid."

"Veganism is the way because studies show that eating animal products gives you cancer and heart attack."

#5 Ben Shapiro Technique:

Talk fast

#6 Burden Of Proof:

"The burden of proof is on the person who makes the claim." they say. I say bullshit. You don't need to prove shit, in fact you can put that burden on your enemy. You can simply say "Prove me wrong" and get away with most ridiculous claims in the entire world. It is the oldest trick in the book and I cannot believe it still works but it does.

"If you don't believe in Rape Dwarf then prove me it doesn't exist."

#7 Correlation is The New Causation:

"Correlation does not imply causation". Here is another bullshit. Do you think a normie knows the difference? You should use that simple misconception to your advantage. You can use all sorts of statistics to prove anything you want because statistics is the best way to lie. You can paint whatever picture you want with the clever use of statistics.

"80% of all murders has been committed by men. That proves we should have a society where women are the leaders."

"Great portion of criminals have tattoos, that means tattooed people tend to commit more crimes."

"100% of the mass shooters were using firearms, is it a coincidence?"

Last words

There are tons more techniques you can use to defeat your enemies and drink wine from their skulls and fuck their decapitated dead bod... ehm… I mean win an argument against your opponent but cannot mention every single one of them. Practice is the key. Go out and prove those brainlets who has the biggest dick.