LATE 1st YEAR ANNIVERSARY
Its been 1 year and 5 days ever since I started this blog. I was planning to write something about this on 22nd of July but I was lost in my head. It is maybe too late but I am gonna say a couple things anyways.
After more than 1 year I am still in the same phase. Nothing has changed in my life. 1 year is one hell of a time to change your life. But being a retard I am this never happened. I still go back to my old blog posts and read them time to time. I guess my writing has improved a little. As well as my English. I still feel like an idiot trying to speak it but I will never be as fluent in English as my native language. I accepted that fact.
I didn't say much about myself, who am I or where I live because I didn't think anyone would care. I mostly do this for myself. I love dumping whatever inside my head into webpages. It is good to see there are a couple people reading the stuff I write with my broken English. This is all I wanted. I wanted to create an internet artifact hidden deep inside the ones and zeros of this massive information dumpster yard. Maybe decades later someone finds this mess I created while diving deep into the bottom of internet.
I find it quite relaxing writing about stuff I was hiding inside my head for a long time. Things I was thinking about before falling into sleep. Total nonesense maybe, but my nonesense. I can read myself a lot better after going back to my old posts. What was going in my mind at the time, what made me think that way and whether I was wrong or not. Even though there are only a few people reading this shit, I love dumping whatever inside my head. By no means I think my opinions are important and should be shared by millions. After years of suffering from existential crisis, I came into conclusion that we are all very insignificant creatures as whole. I came into true realization of my place in this massive universe. And I made my peace with it.
Its been times I talked about very depressing shit and my suicidal tendencies. I really didn't mean to. Life is good. Life is worth living with all of its absurdity, cruelty and meaninglessness. I tried to stay positive and talk about nice stuff but I wasn't in that mood most of the time.
Starting this blog was the best decision I made in the last few years of my life. Writing has become one of my passions even though I suck at writing, specially in English. I have so much in my mind, so many stories I want to tell, so many ideas pushing the doors of my head to throw themselves out.
Writing gave me an opportunity to understand myself. There are lots of stuff I am hesitant to talk about. Maybe in the future, if I can overcome my fears I will talk about them. But for now I want to thank those people reading this blog and giving me nice feedback. Thank you all for your kind comments and emotional support.