I HIT THE ROCK BOTTOM

Depression is like a bottomless pit. You never know how worse it can get. Just when you think it already ripped all your soul away, you lose the last bits of energy you didn't even know you had. You were feeling like a trainwreck already, now you are a trainwreck on fire.

I have literally descended into a cave troll in a couple weeks. Did not even see the sunlight for a long time. Avoiding all human interactions, locking myself up into my room, drowning myself in my lonliness and self hatred. It is so easy to do that while everything turns into a pile of shit nowadays. World is tearing itself apart, my country is in the verge of downfall, nothing is enjoyable, my health is deteriorating everyday...

It seems I need a damn miracle. I don't feel like anything is gonna change after this point. My life is fucked beyond repair. This blog should have been ended 6 months ago and I should have been doing somewhat ok. But I fucked it up. As always. Time is a deceitful little bastard. I cannot believe I lost at least 6 years without even noticing. It was like yesterday. I am at where I was 6 years ago.

Next couple days I will be busy making a decision. Probably the most important one in my life.