wojak born to feel


Its been a long time again. Every fucking day, I wake up with nightmares and spend rest of my time reading news and surfing the web. Shit is getting worse and worse and I am about to lose my sanity. Great thing about being born in a 3rd world shithole is, you see the hypocrisy all around the world. You can see the ugly face of "civilized" nations. Specially when nations all around you are ripping each other apart. You keep your eyes on wars happening all around the world because that shit can come and bite you in the ass one day. You see the worst of humanity. For about years I have been watching all sorts of war footage, on TV, on the internet and have seen all sorts of fucked up shit. People ripping a beating heart out of their enemies, blown up corpses, inhumane tortures, executions, decapitation... Nobody with a sane mind would want to see this kind of shit. But you just cannot help when that kind of shit is happening only a couple hundred miles away.

War, war never changes... It does actually. Quite a lot. It gets uglier and uglier. It gets more cowardly and more sinister. It comes closer and closer... It is like a theatre playing in front of your eyes. People were destroying each other ever since the dawn of mankind. There is nothing new. Other than the amount of destructive power we possess and the power of media. Back in the early ages maybe war was a lot more brutal but was also a lot more heroic and straightforward. Being a good soldier actually mattered. Nowadays, heroism has died in the battlefield. Even being John Rambo cannot save you from a missile that has been launched from a drone or a landmine, or an ambush, or an ATGM coming at you. Or from a sniper that can hunt you down from 700m away. You have been in a wrong place at the wrong time? Bullets doesn't care about how big of a hero you are. Living and dying is only matter of luck and highly depends of whichever side you are fighting for. Not exactly like playing Call of Duty. If you die people talk about you for a couple days then you will be forgotten forever. We are living in an era where men doesn't win the war but the machines icluding the propaganda.

Another thing that is very different than the dark ages, nations can use all of their manpower to fuel the warmachine ever since the French revolution. Back then most armies consisted of mercenaries. Nowadays nations can grind each other down to zero with all their manpower because government thinks you owe them your life. Specially if you are a man. Just because you born with a dick you need to suffer. You are a disposable tool. Just because a bloodthirsty idiot screwed up, you need to sacrifice your life to defend your nation.

Maybe one day I will die in the battlefield too. I have been around soldiers ever since I was a kid because my father is a soldier. I have seen people killing themselves because they cannot take it. I have met with commandos talking about their fallen comrades. I have listened tons of similar stories from my dad. I have met with people living with a bullet inside their bodies. Some are getting poisoned by the lead because they cannot remove the bullet otherwise they are gonna die. I have seen stockpile of corpses getting moved on top of trucks. Its been times I woke up with sounds of helicopters and artillery. Some places I used to visit as a kid has been destroyed by suicide bombers later on. One of my friends' father has been killed by a landmine.

I have seen some horrible nightmares. I have seen bombs falling to the ground and destroying everything in front of me. I have seen things I cannot put in words. Whenever I hear sirens or similar sounds I get anxious. Funny thing is, I feel like I am the only one worrying about things like this. For some weird reason I don't get scared of demons, boogiemen, paranormal activities like every other people do. Things that are freaking me out are wars, earthquakes, fires, hurricanes, nuclear disasters and terrorism. Either there is something fucked up with me or rest of the world.


Last couple months, I have been in the bottom of hell. I am so sick of people and their bullshit. I just wanna run away and live my life as a caveman. You probably can relate. Getting tortured by all the shit happening all around the world and seeing where this shit is heading towards. I am not even talking about the war in Ukraine. It can be resolved but there are some things that will never get better. Like mass retardation, global disasters, degeneration of an entire youth, poverty, overpopulation, violation of freedom, violation of privacy, getting fucked by government. I don't want to talk more and bring your mood down. Depression is contagious and I don't want you to catch it. Whoever is reading this. 5 other people maybe?